Well this blog is my toughest one so far. We got into a chat a few weeks ago with friends about friendship and what it means to everyone. Well last week my blog said a bit about it and my feelings. I've always kinda let people in my life that probably didnt deserve to and let them treat me and others badly. Those who were not there for me on all levels and this blog is for me to vent and release. So here goes: I'm going to talk about my sister first....
In October 2011 Molly Stevens' boyfriend noticed a small lump on her neck. After a visit to the family doctor, Molly was referred to a specialist. When noninvasive attempts to diagnose the cause of the lump failed, Molly resorted to allowing surgery to remove a portion of the lump. The sample was sent to Mayo Clinic and on November 8th, at 23 years old, Molly was diagnosed with Stage 2 Hodgkins Lymphoma. At Stage 2 it will be necessary for Molly to receive 4 cycles of chemotherapy (8 sessions). PET scans and a (painful) bone marrow extraction revealed that the cancer was limited to the upper portion of her body and had not reached her organs or bones. Fortunately, the success rate in treatment of Hodgkins at this stage is very high. As of January 10, 2012 Molly completed her 4th session of chemotherapy. Let us hope and pray that when her chemotherapy is completed in March that she is declared free of all traces of this cancer! Molly's resolve is strong, so please follow her journey at:
During this time my sister was diagnosed the world pretty much stopped. Nothing else really mattered. We were in the middle of selling our home and my thoughts were to take it off the market - we had other things that took priority of our life now. Cancer-it's such a nasty word to me. How can someone so young and healthy have cancer?
They had to install a port into her chest and neck before treatment can start. A port is about the size of a silver dollar and it allows the chemo to get into your body without all of the pokes in your veins. This was the one and only time I personally saw my sister in physical pain during her treatment. I wish I could of took her pain away and would do anything to take this away from her. I would go and visit her on chemo days at lunch or at least send a text to let her know I was thinking of her. Going in to hangout with her during chemo was terribly sad. Seeing my baby sister plugged into a machine pumping her full of toxic fluids about makes you want to fall apart. Why?!! I asked God all of the time! There were nights I would just cry myself to sleep hoping it would all just go away.
So many other tests and surgeries and pokes and hair falling out were involved...and you know what? She NEVER complained. The only time I could even come close to getting her to tell me something that was even close to a complaint was when I asked her direct questions. She is such an amazing fighter! <3
I found this video and thought he had lots of good points on life.
Several weeks after Molly was diagnosed, I had an appointment with a surgeon. I have been struggling with gallstones for years now and wanted to have some answers. They did some tests and immediately called the next morning for me to come in. She said I had inflammation of my gallballder and billiary sludge. Which means my gallbladder was full of gallstones and was not working properly.
I was scared to all means to have a surgery and remove an organ I've had my entire life. She told me to stay away from fat through the Thanksgiving holiday and I would have surgery the following week to remove my gallbladder. I kept telling myself maybe I will feel better tomorrow and we wont have to do this surgery at all. No such luck. I was depressed and sad. My sister was sick..I was trying to be strong for her... I was emotionally and physically spent also. Out of respect to my sister I'm not going to elaborate much more. You can read her journey through her blog link posted above.
During this time, is when you realize love and friendship. We are so blessed for the outpour of love and support during that time.
At times when the nights were quiet and I would try to understand why some people were still absent in our lives. I KNOW that if I had a friend who was going through all of this I would undoubtably be there for them. I know some people just don't know what to say... but even a text, a card or a phone call to say hi would have put smiles on faces. As the months would roll on you realize what is important.
This blog was a means for me venting to all of the people wondering why we are no longer friends. Were you so wrapped up in yourself during time of need to pick up the phone, etc? Too busy?? I was beyond clueless and needed to just let go and let the burden off of me. I have slowly learned that you have to accept people for who they are and you cant make them care or show you they care. I'm not the same person I was last year. I'm stronger now and have a voice. If you were not there during the bad times don't expect to be around during the good times.
Last year was a hard year, we miscarried in August...I have a dear, wonderful friend, her little boy got sick and now all of this. The reason why I wrote this is because I am so proud of my sister. She is cancer free and just had her 6 month in remission check up. It's been a year to the date almost that we got the cancer news. I have learned so much about life and love and friends the past year. God is good and has blessed us so much.
We love to be serious.....
all of the time....
<3
Oh honey, you are such an amazing, selfless soul. I am typing this through tears. YOU know what it means to be there for others during the rough times because you are ALWAYS there! Your texts and notes of encouragement during Landon's illness and hospitalization kept me going. You deserve only goodness in your life because that's exactly what you put out. I am honored to have you in my life and lucky to have you as a friend. I love you!
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